| JUST WHAT THE %$@#!! DOES ANY OF THE DIALOGUE IN LAST BATTLE MEAN?! |
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Wonderful start. This would be from the very first stage. Now, let's disregard the fact that the hero's name is 'Aarzak' (I pronounce it
R-Zack (sounds like a rapper), hard as it is to do so. We need to ask ourselves- "How DOES Max have the look of a hero?", "Haven't we already met
Alyssa?" and most importantly "Who the hell came up with the name 'Aarzak'"? |
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You know, the truth be told, I think that whoever translated this should have just said to
themselves "All right. None of us know how to translate this. We may as well just have a little fun with this..." One possible result is
to your left. This took me about two minutes, three-quarters of that being used to get the font. (MS Sans Serif, size 7) |
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First, it's rather strange that Roberts is nowhere to be found. It's also strange that
Gere seems to be dressed like a pro wrestler. If I were walking around in the middle of nowhere where everyone
was inexplicably out to get me, the LAST thing I would do was scream "WHAT'S THE MATTER!" at a big pro wrestler-lookin'
guy. Then again, if I could be slashed with swords, chopped by axes, stabbed with pikes and had knives thrown into my gut all in
a minute-thirty and show no signs of damage, I'd probably feel a little more up to it. Still, the story defines Aarzak as the
last hero, so I'd say Gere is pretty much screwed. |
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It's worth knowing that 99% of the time, the dialogue scenes in this game start as follows. First, the one who is not Aarzak speaks.
Second, Aarzak speaks. This fits that case. It doesn't make THAT much difference, because the statements rarely make sense one way or the other.
This is one of maybe four times during the whole game where if the scenes play out exactly as stated, it makes some sense. However, two flaws
exist. One, the enemy has been moving since I popped start eight minutes ago, and two, the time has come for WHAT?! |
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This pretty much proves my argument that Gere ain't gonna be a hero. I mean c'mon, Aarzak states he's the only one who can save the world.
That said, he better hope he pulls it off. I think we better find Max and let 'im know I've met Alyssa. As an aside, I like the way Alyssa pretty
much orders Aarzak to save the world. It adds a little touch of reverse misogyny I've NEVER seen in a video game before.
It takes a little of the sting off the fact that ONCE AGAIN, the girl gets kidnapped eventually. And it IS kinda funny to know that even if the male
hero can knock enemies halfway across the world with one punch, he can still be totally whipped. |
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This signals the one time in the entire game (to the best of my knowledge) where Aarzak's dialogue appears on the RIGHT of the screen. Stupid
worthless point. Here, we see 'Zee-Bee' (who comes UP with these names!?) imprisoned with some other guy in a box. I assume that since only one head
appears in the guy's dialogue box that Zee-Bee is just the one guy in there. This brings up three points. "Who's the other guy?" "Is this a satire of
the correctional system in our country today?" and "HEY! AARZAK ISN'T SHOUTING HIS LINES!" |
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This is one of the 'situationally-nonsensical' scenes. You see, Syd was just defeated one second ago, thus ALREADY meeting the end he speaks of,
plus it is generally a dumb idea to ask questions of a guy who is going to die in no more than three seconds. Even if Aarzak DOES has the fluency level
of cement, this does NOT excuse the fact. |
