One of the things I think I like most about old games is that they didn't have to make sense. This is one of those games. There is absolutely no way to explain a girl running through a school on fire, with a GUN, where everything is trying to kill her, and the school has random chunks taken out of the floor at many points. Well, actually, scratch that. I came up with one way.

Okay, here goes. Momoko, arsonist in training, who happens to be FOUR, mind you- had been given one nap time too many and started going berserk. She took out the Desert Eagle she'd kept broken down in her thermos and before shots were fired, everyone escaped. Not one to be dissuaded from the thoughts of causing great harm to her surroundings, she went down to the boiler room and proceeded to blow up the boiler with a combination of art paste and a set of building blocks. The resulting explosion took out the basement and a few people who hadn't gotten quite far enough away from the building. Luckily for all involved except Momoko, the escaped teachers and kids sealed off all the exits, keeping Momoko inside to die in the blaze. Fortunately for Momoko, the escalators, which broke all the fire-safety laws in the prefacture, were not blocked off, allowing her a means of escape through the rooftop. Unfortunately for Momoko, the explosions rocked the school so hard that quite a bit of the floors had fallen out- and some of the quicker revenge-seeking spirits of the casualties were out to throw her into the fire. Armed with only a Desert Eagle with a bottomless clip, a good long-jump, and the power of lolita coursing through her veins, it's now only YOU can decide whether Momoko gets to live a life of play, preschool romance, and occasional store bombings.

Now that you're all wondering whether I'm going to grow up to be a psycho killer (answer: only if I have calculus for two more years), that paragraph boils down to: "Building on fire. Fire spreading upward. Escape to rooftop. Shoot anything that is not you. Jump over floor gaps. Maybe go in whatever doors remain open for shortcuts and bonus stages." It's kinda like Elevator Action, except in the opposite direction and going down at any time kills your lolita-fueled ass.

Actually, there's a lot of stuff that kills you. Monsters, which spawn almost constantly as you move, kill you the moment they touch you; and should you be dumb enough to hang around the floor you're on once the music changes from a MIDI version of the Urusei Yatsura theme to Generic Panic Music, the fire suddenly expands quite a bit faster than ever before, turning you into a vaguely human-shaped fireball (well, they don't show it, but you die from this so it's safe to assume this is the case).

Also something of note is that for every stage that you beat, Momoko gets a few years older. Yup, from 4 to 6 to 12 to 15 to 18, with 20 for your final bonus stage. That's five schools to escape your arson-y rage from, each two floors bigger than the last. I'm not gonna talk about the bonus stage; I'll just leave it at 'y'didn't see it coming'.

I like this game. You should give it a shot. It's a quick download so you're not losing your anime hunting time gettin' it; except for the whole 'finding a f@$%ing ROM site to get it from in the first place' bit. That's harder than beating this game, blindfolded, on Hardest, while attempting to pick your nose.

This just crossed my mind. I think it's probably a good thing we never got this game on our shores. Think three years back, think lawsuits and think Lieberman. And oh yes, hold a direction and hold jump on the trampolines.

...Unless you like this, of course.

Graphics: 7	Definitely screwed-up (in a good way), definitely (and paradoxially) bright and cheery, although there's less animation than an episode of G-cup Teacher Rei. Trust me when I say that's an insult.
Sound: 5	You only hear a few music tracks in the game, but only one's really any good and it's quite blatantly stolen from Urusei Yatsura.
Gameplay: 9	MOST DEFINITELY SCREWED-UP, but in a REALLY good way. It's fun, and it challenges your skills instead of your patience. Plus, there's always that bizarreness factor that just may keep you coming back.
.357 Ammo Expended: 642,693	Those pink ghosts will ALL fall to the fury of your Desert Eagle.
Lolita points: 69	Didn't you see that last picture?
Number of Times I've Referenced Lolita Despite Being 17: 4 including the picture	What? You don't know how we anime fans are about this?

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Run like you're on fire to the rest of the reviews.

I'm into other hot things. Let's see more anime chicks.